Aidpage

Hi everyone,

Well first of all I want to say thank you to those who have sent me their prayers and for their kind words - JoAnn S. - precious 8181 - truckincowgirl - Computer Nut. Thank you for giving me hope and encouragement!

In the recent past days, I have been in such a state of paranoia that it truly scares me. And as always - it links back to the domestic violence that I went through. I still have the nightmares and today's was just awful. I usually get home around 3.30 am and I will change clothes and watch TV for about 1/2 hr so that I can unwind and go to sleep. Well, this morning I just could not go to sleep. By the time I knew it, I could hear the neighbors getting ready for work and I looked at the time and it was past 7am. Recently, I have been having such a hard time falling asleep. And when I do - it seems I just bypass everything and head directly to my worst nightmare. It must have been after 9am when I feel asleep because the last thing I remember I was watching Regis and Kelly on TV. My dream started off kind of weird because I was in my bathroom having a conversation with my mom who was taking a bath. (now that's out of the norm!) I kept seeing that she had this blank look on her face like when you are saying something not nice about someone and that person is behind you and the person you are talking with is giving you that look - well that's what she was doing in my dream. I couldn't understand why but then all of sudden I felt someone behind me - it was him. He grabbed my hair and he had this huge knife that he held against my throat. I know I that I kept pleading for my life but he didn't give d@mn. I don't think I felt pain but instead I felt that I could not breath. I was crying so bad because all I could think of was my kids.  I starting gasping for air and I could feel my blood was suffocating me as I tried to breath. Just then - I awoke from my dream and I just starting crying. My throat was so tight that I had to calm myself down in order to breath and was relieved for a second that it was just a dream. I went to the bathroom to wash my face because I must have been crying in my sleep as well because my eyes looked like I had been crying for hours. I am desperate to break away from these horrible dreams that seem so real. I don't know what to do or where to go. I am not even sure what to call these episodes that I am going through. I am constantly worn out from the lack of sleep because I am just too afraid to fall asleep. I am sorry if I have bored you to death with my problem but this is the only place where I can come and unload myself from these horrible thoughts that torment me on a daily basis. I know that my problem doesn't compare to the many on here that have more serious issues but I hope that you may understand how terrible domestic violence really is. I think it was yesterday that I read a story on Yahoo news about the ex-husband who killed his ex-wife as she was coming out of Sears at the mall. Hearing these stories just makes me more vulnerable to the haunting dreams that I keep having. I guess such is life and we each have our own battles to fight. :-(

I guess tomorrow is another day, another day that I get to spend with my kids.  I might just take them to the beach and enjoy a family outing with my precious kids.

take care!

~MowWow

Note: This aidpage was started as a comment on "Home page of Grandmother of 4"

to grandmother of 4: My prayers are with you. I have taken on many young people including my grandchild who had no place else to go. Don't let others harsh words affect you. Be encouraged. Look to God. It was he who has brought you this far... and he didn't bring you this far to leave you Pastor in Ohio

Hello,

I would like to tell you a little about myself. I am a grandmother of 4 all under the age of 9. My husband and I have been raising them since their births with no help from the state, mother or father. We both worked and it was never a financial problem.

Things were fine until 2002. That was the year my knees blew out. I have since been off work. I had one knee corrected with surgery twice and re-injured them both a year later. I will explain the second knee later on. With only my husband working and me being denied SSI (they said my arms and brain worked so I didn't qualify) things were a little tight but we managed. The grandkids didn't go without. Then in 2003 my husband lost his job after 30 yrs of service with a clean record. The new owners of the company from Australia, transfered it to Mexico. I husband tried in vain to find another job (he was 51 at the time) but to no avail. We finally exhausted our financial resources and had to apply for state aid. My husband took a NO LIFE/DEATH on his retirement money just to get it up to $312 which was deducted from the Cash Aid check. That left us with only $900 a month for a family of 6. Our rent is $700, elec about $150, gas about $101, phone $50. This did not include gas for the car for trips to the Welfare office, dr appointments, insurance, repairs for the car, clothes for the children and diapers for 2 babies. We received $400 in Food Stamps which helped a great deal. I received medical coverage (barely) from the state. My husband was denied because he was not considered the primary caregiver of the children. I told them that we both raise the children but to no avail. I argued that my husband was seeing a heart specialist when we had private insurance. Still to no avail. I said that we (my family) are in poverty and we cannot survive for long on this amount. She just agreed with me and handed me my papers.

I started an online store in hopes of replacing what my husband and I used to make. I was planning on promoting it on the road to select groups, but my husband started to sleep more and that was leaving the grandchildren in danger so I had to try through word of mouth and emails. Not a choice I approve of. It has been an ongoing struggle to get it off the ground. Then the transmission went out on my car, thus limiting me to only driving in my own city. 23 mph is the best I dare go with the car. I do not have the $2700 they want to fix it.

Then the hardest blow came. 

On May 27, 2006..........my husband died in his sleep of a heart attack at the age of 53. I nor the grandchildren receive anything from his SS. I was told I had to wait until I was 50. Our Cash Aid check did go up to $900 and for some reason the food stamps went up $150. I asked my cash worker if I could have the food stamp increase added to my Cash Aid because I DO know how to stretch a dollar when it comes to food and it was needed there more. I was told that wasn't possible. I told her about the problems I have had getting a response back from the 2 new caseworkers I was assigned the first of the yr (2006) about my husband getting medical coverage. She told me to have him come down and she will get it for him. I then told her he died 2 wks ago.

Since then, we have had our electricity (the Salvation Army wrote us a "one-time-only" check), the phone shut off which prevented me from accessing my online store for 4 months, our gas almost shut off (I am on a payment plan now of $56 a month), my daughter (the mother of the children)  which has a problem with undesirables break into my house and stole my business checks. Checks were written out to the amunt of over $2000 in one month. A $300 check went through before my rent check did which caused an overage since I did not make it to the bank to deposit the Cash Aid check prior. Unknowingly, my rent check bounced because of this. Now my landlady's new husband wants to double my rent to $1400 and "suggested we look for a new place."  I now have high blood pressure with a heart condition and my knee specialist at the county hospital said that my knee will have to be replaced in 5 years....hence no surgery to correct it so I CAN work. Still SSI denies me because not one doctor will sign the proper forms. But they tell me during the visits that I have to be careful I could fall just by walking breaking the knee completly and I could have a heart attack if my blood pressure and stress level doesn't come down. My GP was under medicating me for months on my blood pressure and the heart specialist doubled the dose.

The only places available to us are cockroach infested with gang activity constantly, and in a slum lord condition. A 1 bedroom for $750 + $750 deposit + $750 last.  

I desperately need cash so I can find a better place for my 4 grandchildren and I to live and to repair my car for the move. My family and my husband's, refuse to help because of the illigitimate grandchildren. My grandchildren and I have been through so much emotionally, the oldest is not doing poorly in school and getting into fights. I have sold what I can and anything else I have for sale like on LiveDeal or Craigslist have not sold.

I have tried everything I know to get money together for us but the amounts I have gotten have gone to getting the phone back on and bills partially paid.

If you could send just 1 dollar, that would be one more dollar than we had before toward our salvation in this expensive town. If you would like to help us, you can place the money in our PayPal account: shopper441@msn.com .

I do what I can when I can for other people in similar cases. A homeless person I will get a sandwich (you cannot buy hot food with Food Stamps) from the deli, milk and some orange juice along with some other fruits when I go grocery shopping.

We hope you will find it in your hearts to help us. I cannot repay you for your contribution, but let it be known....your generosity will be highly appreciated and rewarded in many ways.

We thank you all.